Heartbeat
by Coheny
Summary: “Walk away Blair. While you still can.” What if Chuck and Blair had to fight more than themselves to be together? Chuck/Blair


_Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl (TV show or the books) or any of the characters on it. I would love to, but sadly, I don't._

_AN:_ I would like to thank Lynne for proof reading this and giving her much valued opinion. Thank you so much! 

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"Walk away Blair. While you still can." 

"Why?" she asked, already partially knowing what his answer would be.

He wasn't worth her time. She deserved better.  

Most days she would not disagree. She did deserve better than this messed up man standing in front of her. But sadly, the heart has reasons beyond reason itself. She couldn't bear the thought of living without Chuck. Not anymore. 

If she was to be honest with herself, she wasn't perfect either. No one would ever get her the way Chuck did, and neither would anyone care to.   More than her lover or her friend, Chuck was her heartbeat, her mate. There was no reason to hide from him.

Not anymore.

"Because I'm dragging you down with me. And deep down you know, like I do, that no matter how long it takes me, I'll snap out of it. If I drag you with me, you'll break down. And for you, there's no coming back. You care too much about what the world thinks of you to fight for yourself." Chuck's words came out of his mouth in a low menacing tone. One that Blair knew well. The mask he wore, the one that the world had never seen him without, was slowly sliding back into place. The walls she had struggled to tear apart for so long were slowly encircling him once more.  

Weak? That's what he thought of her? That she was weak; that she wouldn't be able to cope. She knew it was true, but if anyone was supposed to tell her otherwise it was Chuck. He was the only one that truly believed in her, like she did in him.

She felt utterly betrayed as she gave him the nastiest glare she had in her.

"You truly think so low of me? After everything we've been through, you still think I can't get past this with you? In the end you're just like Nate and my mother. To all of you, I'm nothing more than a spoiled little princess who wants to get her way." 

Blair's tone clearly did not suggest a question, but a statement. They kept glaring at each other, until Blair could see him starting to lose his controlled façade.   

Good, that's what she wanted.

If he lost control, he would finally give her a glimpse of the pain that he had been enduring all by himself since he answered that damned phone call.  

Chuck angrily strode towards her, making her step back, trying to avoid physical contact. She only noticed that he had succeeded in cornering her when she felt her back hit the rough wall, and Chuck quickly grip her wrist to his chest to keep her from moving.  

She could feel his exasperation. He wanted her to understand, to truly get his point. She nodded wordlessly, trying to show him without speaking that she loved him enough to try. His expression softened somehow and when he spoke, Blair recognized her husband once more.

"Don't say that. You're the strongest woman I know. But I also know that you and me, we're a united front. Without you, I would implode. I don't want you to see me slowly decay and then loose me just the same." As he spoke, he softly rested his forehead against hers. "I can't bear the thought of hurting you. I've done enough of that to last us both a lifetime."  

As Chuck spoke in that soft voice of his, Blair couldn't help the tear that fell from her eye.

Why? That was the major question. Why them?  

They were young, married, in love. She was 25. They had been married for only two years.

If God even existed, which she seriously doubted now, he hated her. Otherwise, he wouldn't take Chuck away from her. He was everything she had. And, as she had realized when he kissed her all those years ago in her old room, when they had decided to wait, he was the only thing she needed to breathe.   

He was right. She would fall apart without him.   

Why God, why?

"Blair," Chuck continued, carefully wiping her tear from her chin with his free hand. "I want you to walk away now. Pack your things and go to your mom's. She and Serena will be there for you. If the treatments end up working, maybe we can revisit this discussion. But if my future keeps looking as bleak as it is now, I want you to forget about me. Erase me from your life."  

Blair looked up, incredulous. "Can you even hear yourself? No. I'm still a big girl and my answer is no. No, I won't walk out on you on the moment you're going to need me the most. NO. We're going to get through this. And even if we don't," which wasn't going to happen, she quickly reassured herself, "I want to hold your hand until the very end. It's not up for discussion."  

They were so close. Blair could feel his breath upon her cheek; see him struggling between heart and reason.  

Damn brain tumor. That mass of mean cells was certainly the only part of him that she didn't love. She actually hated it profoundly. She hated its ugly name and its impossible to reach location.

"I don't want you to remember me as some pathetic, weak thing on my deathbed," he said finally, letting a tear of his own escape.   "The treatment will work Chuck. But I can't be the only one to believe in that. If you want to have a fighting chance, you need to believe it as much as I'm trying to." She softly petted his arm, letting him know that she was there, by his side. Chuck couldn't help but be proud of his B for standing her ground with such authority and for her capacity of weakening his resolve.  

"Let me stay," Blair said, hoping madly for the tiniest nod on his part.

"On one condition."

"Anything." 

"Stop taking the pill."

"What?" Blair couldn't believe his request. What if? No, no way. "Chuck, if anything happens, if you... I won't be able to raise our child on my own. Not without you."  

"Please," he implored, looking down as if suddenly shy. "I'm not saying it has to happen, but it would be something for me to look forward to while they are pumping me full of radiation and chemo. Specially, in case I die – don't shake your head like that Blair, you know the odds – I'd have the hope of leaving you with a little part of me.

Chuck softly raised his eyes to hers, placing his palm flush against her still flat belly. Blair released a shuddering breath at the contact and closed her eyes, breaking away from his stare. Without removing his right hand from where it lay gently stroking her bellybutton, Chuck released his light grip on her wrist to gently lift her chin, forcing Blair to open her eyes and stare back into his.

"And that way," he continued, "I know you won't self destruct, because you'll love our child too much to."  

Blair didn't fight the urge she had to smile despite the heaviness on her heart. Chuck still managed to be utterly romantic in times like these.

"Ok," she agreed "but you have to promise to fight like hell not to leave me alone with your brat, Bass."

Chuck smiled truthfully and nodded.  

"I will," he promised.   

"Why?" she prodded, with a serious look on her face.  

Chuck smiled. "Because I love you."  

"I love you too." Blair tilted her head to press her lips to his in a deep, promise-sealing kiss.

"Now, let's try for that Bass junior."

"Thought you'd never ask."  

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_Thanks for reading and review!_

_Depending on the response this gets, I might write another chapter to accompany this one. So if you like it, drop a line!_

_Joana _


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